35 Cheesy Things Celebrities Have Tried to Sell
Gwyneth Paltrow Jade Egg
Also known as a “yoni” egg, this little sucker will set you back $66, and it’s supposed to “connect the second chakra (the heart) and the yoni for optimal self-love and well-being.” Goop was fined $145,000 for unsubstantiated claims. Good news, though. If you’re on a budget, you can get the $55 Rose Quartz egg instead!
Love everything KISS? Now you can be buried in the KISS Kasket. This casket is around $4,000, but you can probably get a cheaper one on eBay. After all, new ones come out occasionally, so an older one has to be a little less expensive.
Belle Delphine’s Bath Water
Apparently, an influencer and self-described “gamer girl” decided to sell her used bath water in a tiny jar for $30 a pop. You’re probably asking, “Who would buy that??” Well, it sold out in two days. Hilariously, a molecular biologist looked at the water and found that it wasn’t even bath water, so those thirsty guys are probably just buying tap water.
Jessica Simpson’s Edible Cosmetics
Some companies bank on the fact their cosmetics are made with high-quality, natural materials that you could consume without getting sick. Then there’s Jessica Simpson who made a Dessert Beauty line with makeup she basically encouraged you to eat.
Nelly’s Pimp Juice
Don’t you want some of Nelly’s Pimp Juice? It isn’t what you think. It was actually an energy drink, but it didn’t last long. It had some controversy with the name, and people eventually forgot about it. It’s not like it would stand up against Bang or Red Bull nowadays, anyway.
Sylvester Stallone’s Pen
Sylvester Stallone loves selling weird products, and one of the most bizarre was a skull fountain pen. There were two options: gold and silver. Prices started at $5,770 and went up to $48,000. The pen isn’t bad, but for the cost of a new car? Yeah, that’s a little ridiculous.
Sylvester Stallone’s Muscle Pudding
Who doesn’t want a lot of protein in their pudding? Pretty much everyone. This product popped up and was quickly slapped with a $4.9 million lawsuit. That pretty much killed the muscle pudding, which is a monetary shame for Stallone, but he’ll live.
Kendall and Kylie Jenners's Shirts
The Jenners are at it again. This time, they decided to sell some shirts with their faces superimposed over musicians—some were musicians that have passed away. There was some serious backlash, including the living musicians telling the Jenners to stick to what they know—makeup.
There are plenty of pre-paid debit cards on the market, so why not another? The Kardashians know how to spend money, and they’ll spend your money if you get the Kardashian Kard. The fees for this card were beyond predatory, especially since the marketing was directed at a younger customer base.
Marilyn Manson’s Mansinthe
Marilyn Manson is known for doing some weird stuff, so creating his own line of alcohol is tame by comparison. It is a little odd that he picked absinthe, and I’m going to call it self-absorbed to call it “Mansinthe.” Did I mention it costs over $50?
Mr. T’s FlavorWave Oven Turbo
Not only was this an embarrassing product, but it also had an equally embarrassing commercial. It featured Mr. T promoting the FlavorWave Turbo using his typical catchphrases like “I pity the fool” in order to threaten a customer into buying it. You can call that an A+ plan.
Ric Flair’s Loans
Tired of going to a reputable financial institution for a loan? Ric Flair Finance has your back. Or actually, it doesn’t. Ric Flair started this business in September of 2007, and it filed for bankruptcy in July 2008—not even a year. Great job, Flair.
MC Hammer’s WireDoo
MC Hammer didn’t try to sell you WireDoo, but I’m counting it because it’s hilarious. In 2011, MC Hammer announced a search engine called WireDoo that was supposed to compete with Google and Bing. Naturally, it failed because you can’t compete with Google. You just can’t.
Ah, yes. When I think about the musical group Korn, I immediately think of coffee as well. Good thing Korn created their own coffee called Korn Koffee. This one is funny because it’s a little reminiscent of Starbucks due to the color choices. What isn’t funny is that it costs $15.99 for whole bean and $17.99 for ground.
Danny DeVito’s Limoncello
This product sounds like a genius marketing stunt. It all started when DeVito starred on The View, stumbling around and clearly drunk. In response, he said, “I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was going to get me.” Not long after, he created his own Limoncello. I mean, I’d buy it.
Bill Wyman’s Signature Metal Detector
Bill Wyman isn’t playing for the Rolling Stones anymore, so he has a lot of off time. During that time, he probably likes walking the beach, looking for something hidden under the sand. Of course, he uses his Signature Metal Detector to find amazing stuff.
The Situation’s Lollipops
Jersey Shore made a lot of people famous when they really should’ve remained unknown. They used this fame to create a line of products. Out of everything The Situation could have made—gym equipment, clothing, energy drinks—he decided to make couture lollipops. They were expensive, bedazzled, and featured the colors of the Italian flag.
Before being inaugurated, Trump had a lot of failed ventures, and one of those was overpriced, crappy meat. Trump Steaks were sold at Sharper Image (of all places) and occasionally QVC. Rumor has it, they were even worse than Omaha steaks.
Shaq’s Shaq Fu Game
Shaq can’t act, and he can’t make a good video game. In 1994, he released a game called Shaq Fu, which was a 2D fighting game. It wasn’t horrible, but it didn’t bring anything new. Plus, Mortal Kombat still reigned supreme. Lately, Shaq’s been trying to get a sequel off the ground. Haven’t we had enough, Shaq?
Mary-Kate and Ashley Aquafresh Toothpaste
Mary-Kate and Ashley were shoved in our faces from the late ’90s into the early 2000s. They released a myriad of branded products, including toothpaste. I’m guessing someone asked why, but the answer to the question was, “why not?”
David Lynch’s Coffee
David Lynch is a filmmaker that did things like Mulholland Drive and Blue Velvet. The guy drinks a lot of coffee, about “20 cups a day.” So, in 2008, he made his own brand. It tasted good, or so people have said. Guess drinking a lot of coffee gives you a little knowledge on the subject.
Hulk Hogan’s Thunder Mixer
At this point in Hulk Hogan’s career, he was desperate. He was endorsing literally anything, so his agent gave him a few options: a grill, a meatball maker, and a blender. Hogan picked the blender, and the Thunder Mixer was born. By the way, the grill was given to George Foreman.
Paris Hilton’s Creativity Collection
In 2007, Hilton’s career was already going down the drain, so why not make a scrapbooking collection? A logical career jump. The Creativity Collection released, and it didn’t do well. In all fairness, the products weren’t terrible, but you don’t really think “Paris Hilton” when you want to scrapbook.
Jeff Foxworthy’s Beef Jerky
You might be a redneck if you have your own brand of beef jerky. Jeff Foxworthy sure fits that bill with his brand dried meats. Good news, it comes in regular and teriyaki! Bad news, you’ll have a hard time finding it since it isn’t exactly sold at Walmart.
Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt
Energy drinks are apparently easy to make because it seems every celeb made their own at one point in time. Seagal’s was called Lightning Bolt, and he claimed it was the first to contain Tibetan goji berries and Asian cordyceps—whatever that is.
Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill
Socks the Cat was the real-life presidential pet of the Clinton’s during his tenure in office. The game was originally set to release in 1993, but the gaming studio shut down. Thankfully, a Kickstarter campaign funded a relaunch of the game in 2018.
Beyonce’s Starpower Game
Everyone can agree that Beyonce looks good. She has the body everyone wants, so she decided to come out with a dance video game called Starpower: Beyonce. That idea landed her with a $100 million lawsuit by Gate Five because Beyonce bailed on the game “for no good reason.” Oh, and 70 people got laid off because she didn’t finish it.
Heidi Klum’s Fruit Flirtations
Heidi Klum obviously doesn’t eat a lot of gummy snacks because her body is stick-thin, so why she created her own brand of snacks is beyond me. She claims she was disappointed by American gummy quality, but nothing beats Haribo. Don’t even try.
Cheech Marin’s Hot Sauce
Since quitting the movie game, Cheech Marin decided to get into making hot sauces. Poke fun all you want, but some of them are pretty good. Cheech Gnarly Garlic is delicious, and many people’s go-to sauce.
Dwight Yoakam’s Chicken Fries
Dwight Yoakam is known for a lot of things, but chicken fingers aren’t one of them. He came out with Dwight Yoakam’s Chicken Licken’s Chicken Fries. Not only that, he had a full line of frozen foods, most of them with gross names like “Macaroni Mouth Poppers.”
Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania
Hulk Hogan is synonymous with…pasta? Well, he was in 1995 when Pastamania opened. Customers could eat dishes like Hulk-U’s and Hulk-a-Roos—sounds delicious, right? The restaurant only lasted a year despite extensive marking campaigns.
Mr. T’s Cereal
I pity the fool who had to eat this cereal. Endorsed by Mr. T, this cereal was manufactured by Quaker Oats and tasted like Cap’n Crunch, except without all the berries—you know, the good part? It debuted in 1984 and became pretty popular.
Jeff Dunham’s Wine
We can’t diss on this one because the wine was made by a pretty respectable winery called Dunham Wines. The owner, Eric Dunham, had no relation to Jeff Dunham, but the company did make some wines for Jeff. They were between $26 and $45 and were called things like Achmed Syrah, Peanut Riesling, and Walter Trutina.
Carlos Santana’s Shoes
Carlos Santana plays a mad guitar, and he also can make shoes. I’m not joking about that last part. It’s weird, but the shoes look pretty good. Plus, they’re affordably priced (depending on what you call “affordable,” of course).